Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
