i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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