At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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