I got chris browned last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
