dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
