i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
