alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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