So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
