Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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