His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
