dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
whose ass print is on the piano?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
