I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
