I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
