You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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