her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
