You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize