What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
