On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
