STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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