This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
