Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
