i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
