Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
