Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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