He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
