Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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