somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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