He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
