Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
