I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
