I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
