just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
