I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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