HIV tests are more positive than that guy
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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