he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We had to coat check the pizza.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
