i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
