A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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