I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
