he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
