I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
