You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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