everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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