i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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