She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
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how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
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I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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