i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
