i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
