we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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