I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
