just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
