so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
