I just saw a hot homeless man
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
