I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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