if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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