I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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