Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
