i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
