Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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