I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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