I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
