He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
