I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
