Michael Bay diarrhea
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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