Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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