He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
