I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
