Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
