Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
