I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
