i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
