i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder