So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms