I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk