i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.