I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
