A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
