She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
