Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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