You made me cry and you don't even care
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
