my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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