I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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