I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
