I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
