he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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