I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
